Numbness

Last time I came to Haiti I felt this numbness on my emotions, as though I couldn't feel anything. I felt almost as if I was going through the motions, even though I really wasn't. I felt sadness, joy, happiness, and frustrations.. so don't get me wrong. The numbness I felt was one that captivated my ability to cry and to really let my emotions loose. This numbness made me frustrated in Haiti and made me frustrated upon my return home from Haiti. I struggled to find the answer as to why I felt this way.

Well, it's day FOUR for me in Haiti and my feelings of numbness and frustration have returned. When I want to break down and cry for all the hardships I see here and all the experiences I am having, I just can't. I feel like a rock that can't be broken to reveal it's inner most self. It's almost like I haven't been able to fully connect the experiences and my senses to the reality of the world around me. It is like I am dreaming that I am in this sort of horrific, yet beautiful mess and not fully able to grasp the deeper meaning to all of this. I am left feeling weaker, more frustrated, and confused than ever before.

-Kristina