Heartaches.

Today is only day THREE for me. I am left feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and completely emotional. I met another small boy, he was the smiliest kid at the whole place. When you look into those big brown eyes and shoot him a smile, the corners of his lips moved towards his ears and the little white, straight teeth inside his mouth began to show through. You wouldn't even think that this little guy was sick by disposition and lively personality. Looking at his little body you could tell he had been struggling with undernutrition. The bones on his arms shown through and his legs were stick thin. His little feet were swollen with fluid and his belly was plump. His name was Alexander. He looked no older than four, but his wrist band indicated that he was seven.

Laura and I were sitting down on a patio of cement with our arms full of sick babies. Alexander came over and sat by us. We smiled at him and naturally he smiled back. Laura moved her head towards his, and he moved his towards hers until they were touching. A little smile creeped up on his face, and you know that he was enjoying the new little game of head-touch. It was a sweet little moment shared by the two of them. Once their game was finished, I put my hand up like a high-five and his little hand met mine. Our fingers locked together and we held hands for several minutes. He shown me a big smile. You could tell he liked the attention and felt our love for him.

While sitting on the patio, my arms were still full with the small child but I wanted to reach out to Alexander. I did the only thing I could think of, rub his little back. I rubbed his back for several minutes. You could tell he liked it cause he slowly leaned in closer and closer. After a while he lay his little head down on the cement. My heart ached as I thought about how uncomfortable he must be. When he looked at me, I pat a spot on my leg and he smiled. He stood up and sat down on my leg. Now I was sharing my lap with two small boys. I could tell Alexander liked the love. I held his little hand and rubbed it. He smiled again.

When it was time to leave, we walked back towards the room with all the sick children. I kissed Alexander goodbye and told him God Bless you. I waved and walked into the room knowing this was going to be one of my hardest goodbyes. I walked into the room, put the other baby back down in his crib, and turned my head to see Alexander still standing there by the door. His face no longer shown a smile, as tears began to fill in his big eyes. I grew weak inside and my heart ached with sorrow. I walked towards him, knelt by his side and saw tear drops streaming from his eyes. He knew this was the end of our visiting time and possibly the last time we would see each other. I felt so helpless inside. I kissed him again, but knew I just had to walk away. I grew weaker.

I will never forget little Alexander. I pray that he grows into a strong boy and that God will provide for him both in physical and spiritual health.

I love you little Alexander.